Modern Nomads

I grew up in a restless family. We relocated so many times that I lost count. My earliest memories are of Florida, and then there was Alabama, Mississippi, New Mexico, Montana, South Korea ...

I do not want to be simplistic about the problems generated by frequent relocation. Perhaps there are people who truly enjoy a nomadic lifestyle. My own heart always clung to places and people left behind. I always dreamed of moving back and settling down. I saw this as a weakness in myself, and I was ashamed of thinking this way. Only in recent years have I begun to realize that this is not a flaw of the soul, but rather, it is a natural aspect of humanity. It is not embarrassing to need friends. That is simply human.

A sermon that I heard a year or so ago mentioned that a culture of independence is a relatively new phenomenon. Throughout most of human history, people were born, lived, and died in the same town in which their ancestors had been born, lived, and died. Families farmed the same plot of land for generations. Communities were generally small, and people knew each other well. Even nomadic tribes often traveled the same general area for their whole lives and relocated in community groups rather than individually. Survival depended upon their ability to band together to help one another through harsh winters and drought. Only in modern society has wealth and technology inspired such individual flitting about from place to place. We no longer need a community in order to survive, and increasingly, people withdraw into their own homes. Friendships are viewed as recreational and temporary.

I wonder about the negative impact this has on society as a whole. Our culture admires personal independence, but such independence relies heavily upon youth and health. Sick and elderly people cannot be self-sufficient. Those who need caretakers are increasingly shuffled off to nursing homes so that they do not interfere with the lifestyles of others. This is not to say that nursing homes are always a bad option or that caring for someone in a home is always possible. However, such out-of-home care is now so common that it is generally presumed to be the final destination of all elderly and disabled people from the moment at which they can no longer fully care for themselves.

Loneliness is a plague of modern society. People often commute long distances to work, and then return home to watch a few hours of television before falling asleep on the couch. Friendships are seen as something that you have 'for fun', and many people do not find time for them. Relationships are repeatedly forged and broken. No one has to work out their differences because they can always move or just ignore those around them. When you need no one, there is little motivation to work things out.

Cults feed on the desperation of people who feel alienated from society. Abusive leaders find that their followers will put up with a surprising level of mistreatment in exchange for having a community in which they can feel a sense of belonging.

Considering all of these things, I am increasingly troubled by the cultural attitude of 'easy come, easy go.' As I grow older, I see more and more people who are terribly lonely, even though they live in heavily populated areas. An independent lifestyle and frequent relocation might have seemed fun when they were in their twenties, but that was then. Now in their late forties or fifties, they are desperately searching for connection and realizing that they have to begin from the very beginning to find it--they have not even one strong friendship. When they were younger, it may have seemed like it was too troublesome to bother working out differences with others and putting in the time and effort to maintain long-term friendships. Or they may have moved from place to place seeking excitement or pursing career opportunities that seemed so important at the time. But when you are losing your home or going through a divorce or facing serious health problems, it is much harder to turn up your nose and proclaim that you do not need anyone. And suddenly you discover the cost of all those decisions.

Can we not admit that we need others? And ideally, let us acknowledge this before time runs out on our personal health and youth and money. It is hard to begin a search for meaningful relationships when one is too ill and elderly to leave home. In the end, it will most likely be the people that we spend time on in our better years that will remember us when we face hardship. Let us forgive friends that are not perfect instead of simply dropping them. Let us take the time to invite people over and talk to them. Let us think a little harder before cutting loose from long-term community in pursuit of a fun new place or even another job opportunity. Certainly, relocation is sometimes unavoidable and not all relationships can be maintained. Still, the loss of friendships should never be taken lightly. Careers are temporary. Personal independence is temporary. Friendship can last forever.